January 16, 2016

Crazy Life, Need to Breath...

It crossed my mind this morning that it has been an extremely long time since I last posted here.  I remembered a conversation over the summer with my dear younger brother, he had encouraged me to start writing on my blog again because he would love to read it!  Now this brother of mine has never been a big reader but it made me stop and think.  Perhaps I should make a point of keeping up with this.  Who knows whose life might be blessed by it.

Much has happened over the last year and I will not take the time to write a book in which to tell all but it is surely interesting to reflect on an entire year and see life unfold.  

I find myself in a situation I never dared imagine I would be in.  Life feels so dull at times in the moment but a person's life is anything but dull when we forget all the dullnesses.  I have often struggled with wondering where time goes and watching how much time I waste not serving others or sharing Christ with others.  I am often very self critical as a believer... I tell myself, if you truly believe in the message of Christ, how can you sit at home alone watching a movie or reading a book or putzing around not doing much of anything.  And then I reflect on a period of time and I see the many things God has orchestrated in my life.  

Over this last year, I have gone to Haiti four times and done small things to help a few thousand people!  Do they know Christ better if at all because of my hands? I surely hope so but at times I have my doubts.  But it is not so much up to me how a person's heart is affected by what I do, that's His work.  Mine is to serve and give and spread His love in the ways He leads me to do so.  Being in Haiti in the name of Jesus, only possible because of Him, is one of the most life giving things I have been enabled to do thus far!  I have witnessed heart break and extreme poverty, unbearable brokenness!  But each time, God shows up and never ceases to put me in complete awe of Him!

I worked at four different places and volunteered at one.  Hmmm.  Still struggling to find my niche, my call in physical form.  Maybe that's just life.  Maybe there's not such thing as a niche because this is not our home.  Am I looking for something that doesn't exist?  Is there such thing as a life work that is fulfilling for me and uses my gifts for the benefit of others?  I have yet to learn what it is.  And so now, I find myself seeking consistency, disciplining myself to just stay and be...  It has certainly been a year of transitions.  

Over the course of one month I had a new job, moved into a house to myself, and started seminary.  The following month I took an additional job offer, went to Haiti, and started a dating relationship.  Where is time to catch my breath?  Where is time to sit and process and reflect on all that I've experienced and learned when life just keeps going?  Perhaps it's time to reinstate the Sabbath.